When the Holidays Hurt: Coping with Grief in a Season of Joy
Jan 1, 2026
Mental Health
TL;DR
Grief can feel especially heavy during the holidays, when the world expects celebration, but you may be hurting. It’s normal for memories and traditions to stir up intense emotions or sadness. This post explores why grief often intensifies at this time, offers gentle coping strategies, and reminds you that whatever you feel is valid. Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, you’ll find practical tips and compassionate encouragement to help you get through the season.
When the Holidays Don’t Feel Joyful
The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. Streets glow with twinkling lights, families gather around tables, and everywhere you look there’s an invitation to be merry. But for many, the holidays can also magnify feelings of loss and longing. Grief doesn’t take time off for the holidays; in fact, it can feel even heavier when the world expects us to be happy.
If you’re grieving this season, you’re not alone. Regardless of how recent the loss is or how much time has passed, certain traditions, songs, or even scents can bring back a rush of memories and emotions. It’s okay if your holidays look or feel different this year. It’s okay if you need to step back, change routines, or simply acknowledge your pain. In this post, I want to explore why grief can be so intense during the holidays, share practical ways to cope, and offer gentle reminders that whatever you’re feeling is valid.
Why Holidays Intensify Grief
Holidays are steeped in tradition and expectation. They’re often the times we make memories, gather with loved ones, and revisit rituals that connect us to our past. When someone important is missing, those very traditions can feel like sharp reminders of loss. The empty seat at the table, the absence of a familiar laugh, or a favorite holiday dish left unmade can make grief feel freshly raw.
Society tends to frame the holidays as a season of unbroken happiness, which can leave those who are grieving feeling isolated or out of step with the world around them. You might feel pressure to put on a brave face or to “get into the spirit,” even if that doesn’t feel possible right now. It’s common to experience a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, guilt, moments of joy or laughter that are quickly followed by pain.
It’s important to remember that these feelings are normal. Grief doesn’t obey a calendar, and the holidays may bring up both cherished memories and deep sorrow. Allowing yourself to acknowledge your loss, and how it colors this time of year, is a compassionate first step toward healing.
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
There’s no “right” way to move through grief, especially when the world around you feels festive and bright. You may find yourself wishing you could skip the season entirely, or you might want to take part in traditions but feel overwhelmed by emotion. Both responses and everything in between are valid.
If you’re struggling, consider these gentle coping strategies:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel: It’s okay to not feel joyful or to feel a mix of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way and time, even if others don’t understand.
Set Boundaries: Think about what feels manageable this year. It’s okay to decline invitations, leave events early, or ask for quiet time when you need it.
Create New Traditions: Sometimes old rituals are too painful. Consider starting a new tradition that feels meaningful, whether that’s lighting a candle in memory of your loved one, volunteering, or spending the day differently.
Honor Your Loved One: Find small ways to include them in your celebrations. This might look like sharing stories, making their favorite dish, or setting aside a moment of remembrance.
Reach Out for Support: Connect with people who understand your grief. This might be friends, family, a support group, or a mental health professional. You don’t have to navigate this season alone.
Take Care of Yourself: Grief can take a toll on your body and spirit. Rest when you can, eat nourishing foods, and be gentle with yourself if your energy or motivation is low.
Remember that grief is a testament to love, and it deserves patience and compassion. The holidays may never be the same, but with time and care, you can find your own way through.
Supporting Others Who Are Grieving During the Holidays
If someone you care about is grieving this holiday season, you might feel unsure of what to say or do. It’s natural to worry about saying the wrong thing, but your willingness to show up matters more than having perfect words.
Here are a few ways to offer meaningful support:
Acknowledge Their Loss: A simple, heartfelt message like “I’m thinking of you” or “I know this season might be hard” can go a long way. Avoid clichés or pressure to “cheer up.”
Offer Practical Help: Grief can make everyday tasks overwhelming. Offer to help with shopping, cooking, errands, or extend an invitation to join your celebration, with no pressure attached.
Be Patient with Their Boundaries: Your friend or family member may not feel up to attending events or continuing traditions. Respect their need for space, and let them know it’s okay to say no.
Listen Without Judgment: Sometimes the best support is simply listening. Let them share memories, tears, or silence, and resist the urge to “fix” their pain.
Check In Regularly: Even a quick text can remind someone they’re not alone. Grief can feel isolating, and consistent check-ins make a difference.
